Now that I'm 35 years old...

I've made it. I'm officially middle-aged. I've been through so much in my life and though the process was hard, the rewards are plentiful. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have fantastic memories of all my years.

But it's time I let you all in on my little secret.

Though I've strived to be true to myself, I haven't exactly been true to all of you. It's difficult to find your way through this life and to discover who you are and what it all means. I've been lucky in that regard, but most of you know very little of that process and what it has meant for me.

So, here it is: I'm finally coming out, as a gift to myself on my birthday.

1. I'm bisexual.
Yes, I've had mostly heterosexual romantic relationships (including 2 marriages, which were in no way affected by my sexual orientation), but I've been equally attracted to women for almost as long as I can remember--certainly before I reached puberty. I've accepted this, despite my upbringing, as a part of who I am. I can't change it and I wouldn't want to, even if I could.

2. I'm an atheist.
I hope it can be understood that this decision has brought a great deal of peace and happiness to my life. I have a deep respect for everyone's chosen beliefs and I have no desire to convince anyone otherwise; I hope you will hold me in the same regard. That said, it was a deeply trying and insightful process that led me to arrive at the end of my faith. It was difficult, even painful at times, but I am confident in my path and I've never felt more connected with those around me, nor as capable in my own decision-making, as I have since allowing my moral compass to be guided by the good inherently inside me and the desire to leave the world a better place than I arrived in.

3. I will never apologize for being me, whatever I may do or become.
My hair has been all colors of the rainbow. I have piercings and tattoos. I've made good decisions that have yielded bad results and I've made poor decisions that I've been lucky to survive. I have a story for every scar. We all have to make our way in this world by the sweat of our own brows. We all suffer our own consequences. I love my life. It is rich, and vibrant, and so very fulfilling. I learn so much every day, in everything I do. I strive for better, but rejoice in all this life has brought me. This is all I want from my life and my only wish is that everyone can have as much satisfaction in their lives.

I love all of you so much. You've each helped to shape who I am throughout my life and now, here I am: the product of all your interactions with me. We've shared so much in my short time on this earth and I can't wait to experience the next 35 years.

Happy Birthday!

On Saturday, Porter turned two years old. Normally, we would either go out to a favorite restaurant or cook a special meal at home and follow it up with birthday cake, candles, and an off-key verse of the birthday song, but a couple of factors made this year a little difficult. First of all, Stephen flew to Michigan last week to be a groomsman for some very good friends of ours who decided to get married on our son's birthday. Flattering as that may be, we couldn't afford to fly all four of us out there, so it was decided that I would whip up a little something for Porter at home on the actual day and then we'd have the real party after Daddy came home. The other problem is that we recently discovered that Porter is allergic to peanuts, egg whites, milk, and wheat. I'll say that again so you can think about it for a moment: Porter is allergic to peanuts, egg whites, milk, and wheat. That's basically everything we were used to eating on a daily basis. Because it doesn't make much sense to make a separate individual meal just for Porter three or more times a day, we started shifting parts of all of our meals to suit his diet. So this was Porter's birthday dinner:

The main course was my own "kitchen sink" chicken noodle soup, which consists of whatever I have in the kitchen at the moment. This particular  batch had chicken thighs, chicken broth, frozen peas, frozen corn, a third of a Vidalia onion, half of a bunch of wilted young celery, rice-based penne pasta, corn-based shell pasta, garlic powder, celery salt, fresh ground black pepper, dill weed, fennel seeds, and mustard seeds. It was served over cold (refrigerated) left-over rice so that it would be cool enough for the kids to eat right away. On the side we had fresh sliced watermelon and chocolate milk to drink (chocolate soy milk for Porter).

(Note: I normally use this recipe as a starter for my chicken soup.)

For dessert, I made a pan of wheat-, gluten-, egg-, and milk-free chocolate chunk brownies. They taste better that they sound! They are heavy on cocoa to compensate for the lack of milk, so they are a little bitter and very chocolaty, but the texture is just about perfect for gooey fudge brownies. This was a trial run on a line of gluten-free flour mixes I've discovered called Pamela's Products.

The best part is, Pamela's has tons of recipes for using their mixes both on the packages and on the website and a good number of them are built to suit even a stingy diet like Porter's.

Dinner was hugely successful with the kids and Seren is a very proud big sister. She likes reminding everyone that Porter is TWO now and not a baby anymore.

Note: Anyone wanting more info on how we've climbed the mountain and conquered Porter's diet can leave comments below or email me directly. I'm happy to share all of the wonderful products we've discovered and all of the advice I've received from other moms who've gone through similar.